{"id":5492,"date":"2019-10-09T14:23:40","date_gmt":"2019-10-09T13:23:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/?p=5492"},"modified":"2021-12-07T12:36:04","modified_gmt":"2021-12-07T12:36:04","slug":"once-upon-a-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/once-upon-a-time\/","title":{"rendered":"Once upon a time…"},"content":{"rendered":"

As coaches we need to build a strong working alliance with our clients so that they trust us and feel safe to be vulnerable and explore aspects of themselves that they may have been unwilling or afraid to examine or that they were unaware of.\u00a0 When we show genuine empathy, unconditional positive regard and non-possessive warmth[1]<\/a>, we provide that safe container for them.<\/p>\n

One way to do this is to listen to our client\u2019s story.\u00a0 Listening to stories develops our ability to relate to others through increased empathy and intercultural sensitivity[2]<\/a><\/p>\n

When we hear a story, our brain reacts as though we were experiencing it ourself.[3]<\/strong><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

Research<\/a>[4]<\/a> conducted at Princeton University showed that when this communication is successful, the brains of the storyteller and the listener \u201c<\/em>exhibit joint, temporally coupled, response patterns.\u201d<\/em> i.e. the listener\u2019s brain is a mirror of the storyteller.\u00a0 The coupling of the brains means that the storyteller can get the listeners to experience the same thing that they have.\u00a0 Whilst listening we are searching for a similar experience that enables us to experience the same feelings of terror, joy, pain, fear etc.\u00a0 Dr Paul Zak[5]<\/sup><\/a> found that \u201cOxytocin is produced when we are trusted or shown a kindness, and it motivates cooperation with others. It does this by enhancing the sense of empathy, our ability to experience others\u2019 emotions.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 He also found that \u201ccharacter-driven stories do consistently cause oxytocin synthesis\u201d<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Using Storytelling in Coaching<\/strong><\/p>\n

This research points to the fact that storytelling is a powerful means of building connection in the coaching relationship.\u00a0 Used skilfully, the coach can also use the stories that the coachee tells to create awareness and energy for change in them.<\/p>\n

We can do this in multiple ways.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. In coaching sessions, we usually ask the client to give us the context for the topic\/area that they want to explore\/resolve so we can understand the field we are working in with them. Clients need to feel able to express themselves fully and often gain new insights merely by the recounting of events or telling the story out loud to someone other than themselves.\u00a0 A dilemma we often face as coaches is achieving balance between giving enough space to the client to tell their story with letting them \u2018go on\u2019 too long and thus decrease the value of the telling.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    There is no right answer to this; giving room to clients to speak may be a powerful intervention in itself.\u00a0 Clients have been surprised at what they say to me and confess that it is the first time that they have admitted to themselves what they are really feeling.<\/p>\n

    At other times there is more value in interrupting the client.\u00a0 You will know what the right thing is to do, based on your relationship, if you remain in the moment with the client. I think it is helpful to check-in with the client to determine whether they need to share more of their story or not.\u00a0 You can help them recover their place by giving a prompt on what they were saying.<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Coaching sessions are a safe place for clients to rehearse for important events; be that a town hall, speaking engagement or a critical conversation with a colleague. Often clients will talk through the mechanics of how they will approach the situation and the words they will use. This is useful in that they can determine what to do differently.\u00a0 Added value comes if we seize the moment and ask the coachee to practise what they have determined to do in the coaching session.\u00a0 When I do that, clients often gulp and then step into it.\u00a0 Feeling what it is like to say what they have planned and get feedback on how it lands with their coach helps them to refine their approach and get more comfortable before they have to \u2018do it for real\u2019.<\/li>\n
    2. Another way that stories can lead to breakthroughs is when we notice the style of delivery that the coachee is using. What words are they using?\u00a0 Are there some words that are repeated throughout the coaching session? Is the client speaking softly or with passion? How fast or slow are they talking? What gestures and facial expressions do they make?\u00a0 How animated are they?<\/em> Being alert to all this can provide valuable clues to the coachee when we reflect this back to them e.g. \u201cI noticed that your face really lit up when you said that.\u00a0 What was going on for you at that time?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYour voice got quieter and your body became more hunched up as you spoke.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n
    3. Sharing how we feel as we listen to our clients\u2019 stories can provide other opportunities for the client to gain new insights. If we are confused or bored or are not convinced by what the coachee is telling us; we can express that in a non-judgemental way that gives room for exploration.\u00a0 I have experienced moments with clients where I get lost in their storytelling.\u00a0 When I have reflected this back to them it has led to some significant shifts and breakthroughs in the session.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Storytelling plays a powerful role in coaching and enriches the coaching relationship.\u00a0 Trust your instincts to use the client\u2019s story to deepen their self-insight and facilitate their learning and growth.<\/p>\n

      \u2018Are you sitting comfortably?\u00a0 Then we\u2019ll begin\u2026\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n

      [1]<\/a> Rogers, C R 1995, A Way of Being,<\/em> Houghton Mifflin, New York<\/p>\n

      [2]<\/a> \u00a0Saphire, DH, 2015, \u201c<\/em>How Storytelling Affects the\u00a0Brain<\/em>\u201d<\/em> https:\/\/blog.culturaldetective.com\/2015\/03\/03\/how-storytelling-affects-the-brain\/<\/a><\/p>\n

      [3]<\/a> Joshua VanDeBrake, https:\/\/medium.com\/swlh\/the-science-of-storytelling-why-we-love-stories-fceb3464d4c3<\/a><\/p>\n

      [4]<\/a> Stephens, GJ, Silbert, LJ, Hasson, U, \u201c<\/em>Speaker\u2013listener neural coupling underlies successful communication\u201d<\/em>, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in the United States of America, 2010, 107(32), \u00a014425\u201314430, https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC2922522\/<\/a><\/p>\n

      [5]<\/a> Zak, PJ, HBR, 2014, \u201cWhy your brain loves good storytelling\u201d, <\/em>https:\/\/hbr.org\/2014\/10\/why-your-brain-loves-good-storytelling<\/p>\n

      Dr Joan van den Brink<\/a>, \u201cyour personal chemist\u201d, is a freelance management consultant and owner of Araba Consulting.\u00a0She works with individuals and organisations to tailor solutions that make them stronger and more capable.\u00a0Joan has had a rich experience in a wide-ranging career that spans Marketing, Operations, HR, Communications and Management Consulting in global and local public and private sector organisations.\u00a0 She has travelled extensively throughout her life, working in the Americas, Asia, Australasia, Africa, the Middle East and Europe.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

      Read more blogs from Joan:\u00a0Under My Umbrella<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      As coaches we need to build a strong working alliance with our clients so that they trust us and feel safe to be vulnerable and explore aspects of themselves that they may have been unwilling or afraid to examine or that they were unaware of.\u00a0 When we show genuine empathy, unconditional positive regard and non-possessive […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":646,"featured_media":5493,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[128],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5492","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coach-development"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nOnce upon a time... - Trusted Coach Directory<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Storytelling plays a powerful role in coaching and enriches the coaching relationship.\u00a0 Trust your instincts to use the client\u2019s story to deepen their self-insight and facilitate their learning and growth.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/once-upon-a-time\/\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Joan van den Brink\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Estimated reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":[\"Article\",\"BlogPosting\"],\"@id\":\"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/once-upon-a-time\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/once-upon-a-time\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Joan van den Brink\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/#\/schema\/person\/49683ca757b190e9c14db1196fe8148e\"},\"headline\":\"Once upon a time…\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-10-09T13:23:40+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-12-07T12:36:04+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/once-upon-a-time\/\"},\"wordCount\":1064,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/once-upon-a-time\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/pexels-photo-344102.jpeg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Coach Development\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-GB\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/once-upon-a-time\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/once-upon-a-time\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/trustedcoachdirectory.com\/once-upon-a-time\/\",\"name\":\"Once upon a time... - 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